Slump

I am in a slump.

I've been pretty sick for the last week and a half. I'm still praying but I feel disconnected. Alone. I've been here before. It's almost always because I've stopped looking for God. I've stopped reading scripture. I become numb.

Guess I have a bit of an excuse, being sick and all. But it is still a drag.

Then there have been some rough things going on in my family that have been disheartening. You know, long term problems that are not going to go away any time soon. Stuff that weighs on your mind, but you just have to live with. I think that kind of makes me feel let down by God. Sounds dumb when I write it out like that. But its the honest truth.

I hope I am well enough to make it to church tomorrow. I sure need the boost.

Cleansing Streams

It has been way too long since I posted here. Writing about God and spiritual matters feels so daunting to me! I guess I want to get it right. I mean, who wants to make the Big Guy look bad?
Not me!

So -

I am leading a group this fall called Cleansing Streams. It is a curriculum that leads us through emotional, mental and spiritual territory that may need healing. You know, places you don't go very willingly like, "what were you told about yourself as a child that wasn't true?". It can be hard to revisit those wounded places, but so freeing to release the lie and embrace the truth!

My group is all women. I think I'm the youngest, actually. But that doesn't seem to matter. We are learning, sharing, crying, healing and maturing together. Cleansing Streams is great for new Christians because it offers the foundational Christian truths. But it is awesome for everyone because, let's face it, we all have "stuff" in our lives that needs tending.

And who better to tend to our vulnerable, tender places than Love Himself. Jesus can heal anything. And he does.

I'm grateful to be a part of this class again. I did it in the spring too - loved it of course. Our retreat is coming up in a few weeks. It is a powerful time of letting go and reclaiming our rightful place in this world as children of God.

Love it.

True Beauty: What I Think

My friend Staci has started a blog group to explore true beauty and positive posting. As a mother of two young girls, I have a keen interest in crafting a healthy definition of beauty.

Like so many of us, I grew up with mostly false messages about beauty. And guess what? Not much has changed. A few days ago as I was driving with my eight year old daughter Rosie, we chatted about those false messages about how girls should look.

"Oh yeah," she deadpanned, "Tall, blond and skinny. Right?"

OK. She is eight. She is homeschooled. And already she knows this.

What keeps me from panicking is that she clearly recognizes that stuff for the hooey it is. We've had LOTS of talks about body image. My girl will probably stand about six feet tall when she's grown, has "big bones" like her mama, and owns a head of wild, curly, red hair. She'll never "blend in" with a crowd, if ya know what I mean. She has no possibility of meeting society's beauty standards.

I've tried to proactively debunk those artificial standards before they do harm, by teaching her that being lovely is not about the latest fashion, hairdo or evening being "tall, blonde and skinny." My hope and prayer is that both my daughters and many, many other young girls will know that true beauty isn't about image after all.

Beauty is about the condition of your heart.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Putting such a heavy emphasis on physical beauty is a worldly thing. As I've come to know and love Jesus better, I'm thinking that worldy things don't hold much weight with the Big Guy upstairs. There is a spiritual aspect to beauty that our culture is missing.

Jesus once rebuked his disciples for criticizing an act of beauty.

While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.

"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." Mark 14: 3-9

Jesus defended what was seen through "wordly" eyes as indulgent and wasteful. He saw that she was doing a "beautiful thing" through spiritual eyes: honoring him, preparing him for what was to come, and annointing him for his burial. (BTW: Don't you love the way Jesus was always hanging out with lepers?)

It seems to me that true, glorious, lasting beauty comes from an intimate, loving relationship with God. The more we know and love the Creator of the universe, the more lovely we become. When we are kinder, more compassionate and loving towards others, our hair color , body size and clothes fade into insignifigance.

Looking your best is great. But when we emphasize image over heart, we can never be truly beautiful.

8/2/08

"Without Love" by Stacie Orrico

The cool thing about this song is that it doesn't sound like a "Christian" or "worship" song. It sounds like a pop song - a cool pop song with awesome lyrics - but pop song nonetheless. I have played it for nonbelievers and they loved it - didn't even realize it is based on scripture. What a cool way to share truth.

I can only find a Youtube clip, where the video is pretty lame, but the song is still sweet.

Listen along with the lyrics based on 1 Corinthians 13:

Without Love by Stacie Orrico

If I speak in the tongues of angels, but have not love
I'm only a resounding noise
If I have the gift of knowledge
And if my faith moves mountains high
But have not love I am nothing

[Chorus]
Though I know the One
Who holds the stars in the heavens
In the palm of His hand
If I give all I possess
To the poor and the helpless
I'll still gain nothing
Without love

Love's patient
True love is always kind
Love does not envy
Never brags, it's never proud
Slow to wrath, it keeps no records of wrongs against friends
Love forgives
We all could use forgiveness

Though I know the One who holds
The stars in the heavens
In the palm of His hands
If I give all I possess
To the poor and the helpless
I'll still gain nothing
Without Love

Love never fails
Love is true
Love's the one thing that can always change you
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love's the one reason the world survives
Love never fails
Love is true
Love's the one thing that can always change you
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love's the one reason the world survives

God - Him or Her?

When Jesus called me back to Him (and I finally started listening), my world view was decidedly feminist. I daren't go into all the details about my spiritual perspective, except to say that I was totally OK worshipping the Great Goddess (and everything that comes along with that).

The striking thing about my transition to where I am now, is the gentle way Jesus (LOVE HIM!) called me to Him. I never once felt that I was not "allowed" to believe something, or do something that might not be considered "Christian". Subtle messages, gentle understandings, questionings in my mind led me. The Spirit spoke to me through scripture, teaching me on so many levels.

Basically, Jesus changed my heart. He led me to love Him more and more, deeper and deeper. And you know what? I just stopped caring about all the other stuff. There was no attraction there. Intimacy with Him filled/fills me to overflowing.

A friend said it best, "It's Jesus and nothing". He is everything. He is enough.

I still have an awareness of the feminist perspective and Goddess culture within me. Accepting "God the Father" was a bit of a rocky road. I had a great talk with my Pastor about this when I joined the church. We agreed that God is bigger than a Him or a Her (since of course God is Love - not to mention the Creator of the Universe).

But the Bible emphatically describes God as Father. No if's and's or but's. This has been hard for me. I've prayed about it quite bit, asking for guidance.

The answer that I have gotten is basically this: you don't have to understand this, but don't let it be a stumbling block between us. I am OK with that. I still pray to Jesus, more than "God the Father". And I don't resonate completely with "God the Father". But I am trusting that there is a reason He is called a He in scripture, even if it's not easy for me.

So, what are the qualities of Father? How does God manifest the true nature of fatherhood? And what is my relationship to that?

Too Cool

I am really enjoying my bible study.

We are a group of 6-7 Christian women from different churches who meet once a week. Every Friday morning will find us at one of our homes (never mine because of the kiddos), drinking coffee, eating snacks and doing our study.

Right now we are doing one on Friendship. Really, it is about love and God's command for us to love others. Our discussions are so rich, and we each get so much out of sharing and hearing what others have to share. Sometimes the lessons are more intense than others, but today it felt like the lesson was speaking directly to me.

Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13: 1-2

Do you know what that's like? To read a passage in the bible and have it resonate throughout your whole body and mind and soul? It's like God reaching out / in and saying "this one's for you, Sue". I love that.

We spend time in prayer at the end of each study. We pray for each other. It is so refreshing and supportive to know there's a group of believers I can pray and share things with. And it has really helped me to be more in the Word.

Strange how much it has grown on me. Considering I wouldn't even open it up a few years ago.

The Prodigal Son - again?

It seems like every time I turn around the story of the Prodigal Son is looking at me. Bible Study - there it is. Church - Pastor is preaching on it. Sunday school - I have to teach it. Reading to Mini-Me - "Please read 'The Boy Who Went Away'".

When stuff like that happens, I figure the Big Guy Upstairs is trying to get my attention.

See, the thing is, I've always had a problem with this story. I relate to the wrong guy. I'm down with the big brother who always did what was right, who didn't run away and squander his inheritance on fast living and prostitutes. When he gets angry with his father at the end of the story for throwing a huge bash for the naughty brother, I totally understand!

I must be too worldly or something. Or not loving enough.

I am trying to get more on board with the way the father not only forgave his messed-up, disloyal, disobedient, selfish, greedy son, but fell on his neck and kissed him! Then he threw a huge celebration! I get (probably on a superficial level) that this is a story about God's forgiveness of all our sins, and how overjoyed He is when we repent and come back. That is super, and I'm grateful for it and need it.

But the thing that sticks in my craw, is that he had NEVER thrown a party for the bro. who stuck around, who did what was right and expected.

What's the deal with that?

If I analyze my reaction to this story (dare I?) I guess that I consider myself to be a "good" person who usually does the right thing. That must be why I relate to the older brother.

I have always struggled with the whole sin thing. Sure, human nature means we are all flawed, make mistakes, choose wrongly, stray from God, ie. sin. But it hasn't been a defining part of my self-image.

Maybe it needs to be?

Still pondering and praying. (will all my posts end this way?)