GodTalk

Slump

2009-01-17T14:26:00.000-08:00

I am in a slump.

I've been pretty sick for the last week and a half. I'm still praying but I feel disconnected. Alone. I've been here before. It's almost always because I've stopped looking for God. I've stopped reading scripture. I become numb.

Guess I have a bit of an excuse, being sick and all. But it is still a drag.

Then there have been some rough things going on in my family that have been disheartening. You know, long term problems that are not going to go away any time soon. Stuff that weighs on your mind, but you just have to live with. I think that kind of makes me feel let down by God. Sounds dumb when I write it out like that. But its the honest truth.

I hope I am well enough to make it to church tomorrow. I sure need the boost.

Cleansing Streams

2008-10-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

It has been way too long since I posted here. Writing about God and spiritual matters feels so daunting to me! I guess I want to get it right. I mean, who wants to make the Big Guy look bad?
Not me!

So -

I am leading a group this fall called Cleansing Streams. It is a curriculum that leads us through emotional, mental and spiritual territory that may need healing. You know, places you don't go very willingly like, "what were you told about yourself as a child that wasn't true?". It can be hard to revisit those wounded places, but so freeing to release the lie and embrace the truth!

My group is all women. I think I'm the youngest, actually. But that doesn't seem to matter. We are learning, sharing, crying, healing and maturing together. Cleansing Streams is great for new Christians because it offers the foundational Christian truths. But it is awesome for everyone because, let's face it, we all have "stuff" in our lives that needs tending.

And who better to tend to our vulnerable, tender places than Love Himself. Jesus can heal anything. And he does.

I'm grateful to be a part of this class again. I did it in the spring too - loved it of course. Our retreat is coming up in a few weeks. It is a powerful time of letting go and reclaiming our rightful place in this world as children of God.

Love it.

True Beauty: What I Think

2008-08-03T14:19:00.000-07:00

My friend Staci has started a blog group to explore true beauty and positive posting. As a mother of two young girls, I have a keen interest in crafting a healthy definition of beauty.

Like so many of us, I grew up with mostly false messages about beauty. And guess what? Not much has changed. A few days ago as I was driving with my eight year old daughter Rosie, we chatted about those false messages about how girls should look.

"Oh yeah," she deadpanned, "Tall, blond and skinny. Right?"

OK. She is eight. She is homeschooled. And already she knows this.

What keeps me from panicking is that she clearly recognizes that stuff for the hooey it is. We've had LOTS of talks about body image. My girl will probably stand about six feet tall when she's grown, has "big bones" like her mama, and owns a head of wild, curly, red hair. She'll never "blend in" with a crowd, if ya know what I mean. She has no possibility of meeting society's beauty standards.

I've tried to proactively debunk those artificial standards before they do harm, by teaching her that being lovely is not about the latest fashion, hairdo or evening being "tall, blonde and skinny." My hope and prayer is that both my daughters and many, many other young girls will know that true beauty isn't about image after all.

Beauty is about the condition of your heart.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

Putting such a heavy emphasis on physical beauty is a worldly thing. As I've come to know and love Jesus better, I'm thinking that worldy things don't hold much weight with the Big Guy upstairs. There is a spiritual aspect to beauty that our culture is missing.

Jesus once rebuked his disciples for criticizing an act of beauty.

While he was in Bethany, reclining at the table in the home of a man known as Simon the Leper, a woman came with an alabaster jar of very expensive perfume, made of pure nard. She broke the jar and poured the perfume on his head.

Some of those present were saying indignantly to one another, "Why this waste of perfume? It could have been sold for more than a year's wages and the money given to the poor." And they rebuked her harshly.
"Leave her alone," said Jesus. "Why are you bothering her? She has done a beautiful thing to me. The poor you will always have with you, and you can help them any time you want. But you will not always have me. She did what she could. She poured perfume on my body beforehand to prepare for my burial. I tell you the truth, wherever the gospel is preached throughout the world, what she has done will also be told, in memory of her." Mark 14: 3-9

Jesus defended what was seen through "wordly" eyes as indulgent and wasteful. He saw that she was doing a "beautiful thing" through spiritual eyes: honoring him, preparing him for what was to come, and annointing him for his burial. (BTW: Don't you love the way Jesus was always hanging out with lepers?)

It seems to me that true, glorious, lasting beauty comes from an intimate, loving relationship with God. The more we know and love the Creator of the universe, the more lovely we become. When we are kinder, more compassionate and loving towards others, our hair color , body size and clothes fade into insignifigance.

Looking your best is great. But when we emphasize image over heart, we can never be truly beautiful.

8/2/08

2008-08-02T07:45:00.000-07:00

"Without Love" by Stacie Orrico

The cool thing about this song is that it doesn't sound like a "Christian" or "worship" song. It sounds like a pop song - a cool pop song with awesome lyrics - but pop song nonetheless. I have played it for nonbelievers and they loved it - didn't even realize it is based on scripture. What a cool way to share truth.

I can only find a Youtube clip, where the video is pretty lame, but the song is still sweet.

Listen along with the lyrics based on 1 Corinthians 13:

Without Love by Stacie Orrico

If I speak in the tongues of angels, but have not love
I'm only a resounding noise
If I have the gift of knowledge
And if my faith moves mountains high
But have not love I am nothing

[Chorus]
Though I know the One
Who holds the stars in the heavens
In the palm of His hand
If I give all I possess
To the poor and the helpless
I'll still gain nothing
Without love

Love's patient
True love is always kind
Love does not envy
Never brags, it's never proud
Slow to wrath, it keeps no records of wrongs against friends
Love forgives
We all could use forgiveness

Though I know the One who holds
The stars in the heavens
In the palm of His hands
If I give all I possess
To the poor and the helpless
I'll still gain nothing
Without Love

Love never fails
Love is true
Love's the one thing that can always change you
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love's the one reason the world survives
Love never fails
Love is true
Love's the one thing that can always change you
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love's the one reason the world survives

God - Him or Her?

2008-07-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

When Jesus called me back to Him (and I finally started listening), my world view was decidedly feminist. I daren't go into all the details about my spiritual perspective, except to say that I was totally OK worshipping the Great Goddess (and everything that comes along with that).

The striking thing about my transition to where I am now, is the gentle way Jesus (LOVE HIM!) called me to Him. I never once felt that I was not "allowed" to believe something, or do something that might not be considered "Christian". Subtle messages, gentle understandings, questionings in my mind led me. The Spirit spoke to me through scripture, teaching me on so many levels.

Basically, Jesus changed my heart. He led me to love Him more and more, deeper and deeper. And you know what? I just stopped caring about all the other stuff. There was no attraction there. Intimacy with Him filled/fills me to overflowing.

A friend said it best, "It's Jesus and nothing". He is everything. He is enough.

I still have an awareness of the feminist perspective and Goddess culture within me. Accepting "God the Father" was a bit of a rocky road. I had a great talk with my Pastor about this when I joined the church. We agreed that God is bigger than a Him or a Her (since of course God is Love - not to mention the Creator of the Universe).

But the Bible emphatically describes God as Father. No if's and's or but's. This has been hard for me. I've prayed about it quite bit, asking for guidance.

The answer that I have gotten is basically this: you don't have to understand this, but don't let it be a stumbling block between us. I am OK with that. I still pray to Jesus, more than "God the Father". And I don't resonate completely with "God the Father". But I am trusting that there is a reason He is called a He in scripture, even if it's not easy for me.

So, what are the qualities of Father? How does God manifest the true nature of fatherhood? And what is my relationship to that?

Too Cool

2008-07-25T20:53:00.000-07:00

I am really enjoying my bible study.

We are a group of 6-7 Christian women from different churches who meet once a week. Every Friday morning will find us at one of our homes (never mine because of the kiddos), drinking coffee, eating snacks and doing our study.

Right now we are doing one on Friendship. Really, it is about love and God's command for us to love others. Our discussions are so rich, and we each get so much out of sharing and hearing what others have to share. Sometimes the lessons are more intense than others, but today it felt like the lesson was speaking directly to me.

Keep on loving each other as brothers. Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it. Hebrews 13: 1-2

Do you know what that's like? To read a passage in the bible and have it resonate throughout your whole body and mind and soul? It's like God reaching out / in and saying "this one's for you, Sue". I love that.

We spend time in prayer at the end of each study. We pray for each other. It is so refreshing and supportive to know there's a group of believers I can pray and share things with. And it has really helped me to be more in the Word.

Strange how much it has grown on me. Considering I wouldn't even open it up a few years ago.

The Prodigal Son - again?

2008-06-24T07:05:00.000-07:00

It seems like every time I turn around the story of the Prodigal Son is looking at me. Bible Study - there it is. Church - Pastor is preaching on it. Sunday school - I have to teach it. Reading to Mini-Me - "Please read 'The Boy Who Went Away'".

When stuff like that happens, I figure the Big Guy Upstairs is trying to get my attention.

See, the thing is, I've always had a problem with this story. I relate to the wrong guy. I'm down with the big brother who always did what was right, who didn't run away and squander his inheritance on fast living and prostitutes. When he gets angry with his father at the end of the story for throwing a huge bash for the naughty brother, I totally understand!

I must be too worldly or something. Or not loving enough.

I am trying to get more on board with the way the father not only forgave his messed-up, disloyal, disobedient, selfish, greedy son, but fell on his neck and kissed him! Then he threw a huge celebration! I get (probably on a superficial level) that this is a story about God's forgiveness of all our sins, and how overjoyed He is when we repent and come back. That is super, and I'm grateful for it and need it.

But the thing that sticks in my craw, is that he had NEVER thrown a party for the bro. who stuck around, who did what was right and expected.

What's the deal with that?

If I analyze my reaction to this story (dare I?) I guess that I consider myself to be a "good" person who usually does the right thing. That must be why I relate to the older brother.

I have always struggled with the whole sin thing. Sure, human nature means we are all flawed, make mistakes, choose wrongly, stray from God, ie. sin. But it hasn't been a defining part of my self-image.

Maybe it needs to be?

Still pondering and praying. (will all my posts end this way?)

Go Make Disciples

2008-06-08T19:58:00.001-07:00

You know what? Being a believer and follower of JC can be pretty challenging.

You pray for guidance. You get an answer. But it's like the thing you most don't want to do! "No! No! Not that! I don't want to do that!" But you get a sick feeling in your gut if you don't do it anyways. You have a not quite as sick feeling if you do that dreaded thing, with a sort of peaceful, confident feeling mixed in.

I'm not telling tales when I say that EVERY TIME I have followed guidance, or obeyed a conviction, it turns out WAY BETTER than I could have ever imagined. So why is it still so hard to follow and obey? Human nature, I guess. I just want to do things MY way. Hmph.

So, my pastor spoke Sunday about the purpose of the church. He referenced Jesus' Great Commission:

19 Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in^[a] the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

Yikes. Double yikes.

Trying to get other people to believe in Jesus? Scary monsters! Seriously, I do not want to do that. I admit that I have big fears of: offending, alienating, annoying, turning people off....etc.

Do I wish that everyone could experience the joy, peace, confidence, freedom of having Jesus be Lord of your life? Yes! Do I want to make that happen? Not really!

I was not brought up in the Evangelical tradition. I came up Presbyterian. The Frozen Chosen. Plus, I've had plenty of exposure to hateful, judgemental, unloving "Christians" through the media (not so much in real life). But I am quite aware that there has been serious cultural wounding by so-called "Christians". There is such a strong backlash against the abuse in the name of God that it gets all mixed up. The church leaders that have affairs or hire prostitutes don't help with the integrity factor either.

Plus our culture is so steeped in "it's all good" philosophy, that I'm pretty sure selling Jesus as "the way" will not go over well.

So, admitting all my frailty, fears and general wimpiness, my question is: HOW?

How do we "go and make disciples"?

I am convinced that the love of Christ must be at the center of whatever happens, or nothing will happen. But that's as far as I've gotten.

Another item to pray about.

The Church

2008-05-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

Today my pastor spoke about why we should love and honor the church*. This is another subject that has been growing on me for some time. A few years ago, I didn't think I needed church. I certainly didn't want to go to church....all those people to deal with - ugh.

But like so many other ways that God has changed my heart, I have been led to church. Aside from being a great place for the kids, my church has awesome worship (singing / praying) and a smart, well-spoken pastor who is crazy in love with Jesus. But, yes. There are still all those people. And we all know that anyplace where humans are working together, there are going to be problems. It's our nature.

Mostly, I have felt called to immerse myself in the church in order to serve. Yes, I love to sing and worship. And I do relish, enjoy and love being with believers who worship Him in truth and in spirit. Yes, I want to be fed and taught spiritually. But I have always had a heart for service, and that is what has been the driving force in my church involvement.

It has not been because I love and honor the church.

But I got a better idea today about why I should love and honor the church: because God does. There are multiple places in scripture where the church is described as the bride of Christ. Also, the body of Christ. My pastor explained that Jesus fulfills his work here on earth now through the church. We are the representatives of Jesus on earth. The position of the church is as co-heir to the inheritance of heaven along with Jesus.

That is intense.

It is also pretty convicting for a few reasons:
1.) I haven't been honoring the church in my heart.
2.) Don't know that I've been such a shining representative.

So, I'll pray and ponder about this. I think I have a better grasp on the relationship between the church and God, which (God willing) will help me have a better relationship with the church.

*Universal Church = all true believers and followers on Jesus

Jesus is Fun!

2008-05-23T07:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a meeting with a team from my church. There were 5 of us sitting around a table, planning, brainstorming, thinking about how to implement plans within out church. Pretty boring right?

Wrong! We kept sharing ways that Jesus has worked in our lives and in the church. How He has gifted us. Or surprised us. Or how things turn out not how we had envisioned, but so much better. We didn't want to stop! We laughed and laughed.

It was so exciting to be at a table of people who are in love with the Lord, are excited about it and thrilled to talk about it. Late as it was, we just wanted to praise Him more and more. In the interest of being functional today, we finally cut the meeting off and went home.

I hope this blog can be a little like that meeting.

God Talk

2008-05-21T06:42:00.000-07:00

Writing my first blog about God is a bit overwhelming. What should the topic be? Will it be good enough? I've waited a while, but this morning felt I had something worthy of sharing.

When I became a Christian again, I read in the Bible about how we are supposed to love God. Now, this just seemed wierd to me. I mean, how do you love God? God, to me, seemed very abstract and not easy to grasp. How could I love that?

Knowing that it was the #1 top priority, according to Jesus, to love God - I decided to pray about it. I asked God to teach me, to show me how to love him.

Five to six years later....boy do I have some awesome retrospect! God answered that prayer in spades. Now, words will not do justice to my thoughts about, feelings for and relatationship with the Big Guy Upstairs. But here goes.

First of all, God ALWAYS answers my prayers. ALWAYS. Of course it is almost never the timing or way I would have imagined them to be answered. But over the years I have come to trust and believe, through experience, that if I pray about something and trust in Him for resolution, He will make it happen. From teeny, tiny things like asking for help finding something I'd lost - to planting in me a knowing about why I was at my grandmother's death bed - God always answers prayer.

Then there's the fact that the Creator of the universe, the intelligence that designed everything and knows the stars by name - is my best friend and the lover of my soul. That one just blows me away. To this day I endeavor to keep the right balance between awe and intimate love. It is a contradiction! I can talk with Jesus about the piddliest little things, and HE CARES! And yet he WAS before the world was created and WILL BE long after it's gone. That's a hard one to wrap my brain around, for sure.

Then there is my funky relationship with the bible. Being brought up feminist, I hed plenty of objections to the bible. Who is that Paul guy anyway? And no way could I go along with some of the things he said about women. Uh uh. But I prayed and asked Jesus how I could get closer to Him. The answer? Repeatedly? Time after time?

READ THE BIBLE

Ugh. I didn't want to do that. It was too big, too misogynist, to unfathonable. I resisted for a few years, but finally gave in. I figured if I was going to be real about this relationship with JC, I'd better at least try to follow His lead.

Well, blow me over with a feather! I found gems in there. The Holy Spirit taught me things I could use in my life. I would be fretting over something, then read the Scripture and BAM! There was my answer right in front of me. I can't tell you how many times this has happened. Do I understand everything I read? Of course not. Do I sometimes feel like saying, "Oh, I just can't go along with that"? Sure. But I have a different relationship with the Bible now. When I read it, I know there will be something for me. To consider and pray over. Sometimes I am comforted, deep inside where no one else can reach. Often I am convicted, "Uh oh, I need to change that about myself."

The unexplainable part of how I have come to love the Lord, is that He just did it in me. He made me love Him. I don't know exactly how it happened. But when I look at the amazing beauty of His creation, I love Him. When I see how He moves in other people's lives, I love Him. When my heart bursts with love and joy for my kids, I love Him. Can't pin it down to one day or one experience. It just happened!

Loving God is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so grateful, because my life feels richer and deeper and has more love in it. Dont' get me wrong, I still have plenty of hard times, grumpy or sad days, and struggles. Those things don't go away. But I'm in love and loved by the Ultimate Power of the universe. The weight of the world isn't on my shoulders anymore.

He took it. And I love him for it.

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

Matthew 22: 34 - 40 NIV